OMG...Wow!!

Well, well, well...I don't know what to say. Last night in the midst of studying for my biology test (which I think I did ok on this morning...), someone contacted me through my blog...someone who opened my eyes to what my ex really is. It wasn't all my imagination...I wasn't delusional...she saw it years ago and ran from him. So I think my suspicions are just now even more confirmed about what he's been doing for years....nice, just nice. Isn't it great when the first year of your marriage, your husband is already cheating with internet affairs? And me, the f'ing perfectionist that I am...wanted to fix it and kept trying for 12 years...god damn, sometimes you need to just give up and listen to your intuition...I think that's what I took away from this, my intuition is always right. I have tendencies to want to prove it wrong when it tells me something negative, now I'm much better at accepting those "stay away" vibes about people.

Anyway...still kissing a lot of toads to find my prince...I hope he shows up soon (and he might have recently). Could someone tell him to stand up and show his face, so I know who I'm waiting on, lol? It would really make this a lot easier.

Ok so this friend I spoke of earlier also mentioned Jack's Mannequin. I'm hooked...love, love, love it. I just love indie music. So here is one of my faves, Dark Blue.

I need to face the fact that...

I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in love and meant to be and soulmates and the whole crapload of it, and I just need to quit pretending I don't, cuz i know I do. I want to believe there is that one person for everyone that makes it all magical and worth it. Whatever...Anyway, I've been singing along to this song, Wedding Dress, by Matt Nathanson all day long. I love it and wanted to share...doesn't he have a great voice? Ok...i can't keep my eyes open, going to nap for 30 minutes before I get kidlets....someone has been keeping me on the phone late at night and I haven't been sleeping much *giggle*. Met him today and he took me to lunch...sigh...I want more...

Everything....

So in regards to Singles Awareness Day...otherwise known as Valentine's Day...I give you a wonderful love song. So yeah Lifehouse was a christian band, now they are more mainstream. But apparently THIS is their song...the one that everyone loves. It has sort of a double meaning, it can be about the christian god or it can be about a love. When I hear this song it gives me goosebumps and it feels like it's about being in love to me. It's perfect...I love it. I make up stories to songs. This song...I picture the first kiss that leads to everything. Kisses down the neck...whispers in the ear of desire and love...the quivers and chills that go up your spine as that first fire is ignited....sigh....

Stung by a wasp!!

It is kind of hard to type today...I got stung by a wasp in my biology lab today. Can you believe it? We were making giant glucose molecules and when we had finished, we were to raise our hands and the professor came over and made sure we had made it correctly. Well...I raised my hand and suddenly felt this sharp pin prick on my ring finger, then felt legs standing on my finger. Needless to say I didn't look at it, I just flicked it off as fast as possible. Then my finger started to hurt like HELL and turned purple. So I found my teacher and she took me to the lab coordinator who doctored it up with cortizone and sent me off to the nurse...so I got out my lab today. It was boring, but I would have preferred a boring lab over a very hurt and swollen finger. And when I left for the nurse, they still hadn't cornered the wasp in the classroom yet. Eeek!!!

Cursed damn blog!!

So I have come to the conclusion that my blog is cursed. It's out to get me, or it apparently has some kind of secret voodoo doll of me stashed between its pages that it pulls out and jabs with sharp pins. If I talk about something on here, it will go to shit about 2 days later. How screwed up is that? So...I now have to keep secrets from my blog. I can't tell it exciting things or it will royally screw it up. (and totally off topic, but this blog brings out the worst in me...I want to write curse words, lol). So...wink wink nod nod...I don't have any plans for the future. I'm just gonna sit at home for the rest of my days.... :P

Dammit....

Fuck. I don't know what else to say. I'm so annoyed with myself...well I don't know if it's myself I'm mad at or what. Let's just say I did something thinking I was doing something really enjoyable for someone and it hurt them, a lot. It was not my intent at all. I really thought it was a good thing. But they got mad, really mad. I tried to explain myself and apologized profusely, but they wouldn't listen. They forgave me but did not believe me, which I assume means I'm a liar?

They insisted that things are never done on accident, and it's only the end result that someone is sorry about, and that the only reason I did it was to get a good jab into them because I was mad at them for something else.

I feel absolutely awful and sick about it. First of all, I'm not a vindictive person. I don't try to get someone back in a hurtful way, life is too short. I'm too busy trying to apologize for whatever they are mad about. And secondly, I don't like being viewed as a liar. Damn...and I have no idea how to fix this. I'm a fixer...I have to make things better or it eats me up inside, and I don't think I can fix this one....and that is getting to me. I wish something could take my mind off it.