Thursday, December 11, 2008

So I'm thinking of....

starting a blog for dates from know we all have had them and what better way to warn the masses of what can be out there than reading those stories. I don't know...ok well for your reading pleasure I'll start here. One is not so much a date from hell as more like WTH is wrong with you...the other is a definite WTF? date.

First we'll dive into the what the hell is wrong with you date...So we met, he asked me out to go to a movie. We chose Twilight (on a side note - total sucky movie, I loved the book as evidence in this blog, but the movie was so boring, I fell asleep twice) Ok stop here, first of all NEVER ask a girl to go to a movie as a first date. You don't get to talk or get to know each other or anything, you just sit there watching a movie. Back to the story -- so we get there 20 minutes early. He doesn't even ask if I want a drink or anything and we head into the movie. As soon as we sit down, he pulls out his Blackberry and starts texting. WTH? So I try to start a conversation, we have 20 minutes to kill. I literally get one syllable answers from him, so I give up. And he continues to text straight through the first half of the movie - yep huge blaring bright screen, bothering everyone around us. It was great. So halfway through, he puts up his phone and starts rubbing my arm, putting his hand up my sleeve? Yeah...weird. and he does this for like 20 minutes, and I wasn't sure what to do, he had nothing to do with me since we met and suddenly this? WTH? So I smile at him and go back to watching the movie. He quits and pulls out his damn Blackberry again and starts texting away til the end of the movie, and continues as we are leaving. I say goodbye and head to my car, never to hear from him again.

And now here is the total and complete WTF date I've been on. First of all, he takes me to Target...yes the upscale version of Walmart...Target, as the date. The date!!!!! We are shopping for his young daughter who lives in another state for her birthday. She loves Hannah Montana, so he goes through the store looking for anything Hannah Montana, which is fine, but then after we go through the girl toy aisles, he has to make a detour to the boys toys and shops for himself, and he acts like he's about 5 yrs old as he picks up Hot Wheels and Nascar toys. fun...but it gets better, trust me. So then we make our way around the store, me basically following him, wondering how I can get out of this date...maybe a bathroom break and then jump in the car? I wasn't sure yet...but I was definitely not feeling it. So then we head to the children's clothing, he makes a beeline for the boy's dept (oh yeah he had a daughter, right?) and heads straight for the footie pajamas!! Oh yes, footie pajamas...he gets so excited cuz they have glow in the dark rockets and he finds the largest size and pulls them out for....HIMSELF!!!! Himself!! OMG, WTF, somebody save me at this point please. He says "This will sure make the women run." as he contemplates purchasing these things. I have no idea what to say, so I just smile and pray to the whole freaking world that someone could please call my cell phone...please? Anybody...wrong number, I don't care. I just gotta get out of the there. So then he starts waxing on how they dont' have sleepovers anymore and I asked him what he meant, and he said "oh you know those sleepovers you had as a kid." WTF? He's 34 yrs So wo head over to the girl's dept to look for his daughter, when something catches his eyes. What is it, you ask? The girl footie pajamas!! Oh yes....he finds this monkey print in the largest size and wants them too!! TOO?? Are you kidding me? Geez. I suddenly get the idea I had to be somewhere to meet my mom and tell him, so he checks out and walks me to my car and attempts to kiss me. Attempts being the operative word. He tasted awful, and he was such a bad kisser that I ran home as fast as I could and doused my lips in mouthwash and brushed about 20 million times to get that memory out of my head. It took about 24 hours to forget it....and get this...he's still texting me 2 weeks later. UGH, god that was horrible.

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