OMG...Wow!!

Well, well, well...I don't know what to say. Last night in the midst of studying for my biology test (which I think I did ok on this morning...), someone contacted me through my blog...someone who opened my eyes to what my ex really is. It wasn't all my imagination...I wasn't delusional...she saw it years ago and ran from him. So I think my suspicions are just now even more confirmed about what he's been doing for years....nice, just nice. Isn't it great when the first year of your marriage, your husband is already cheating with internet affairs? And me, the f'ing perfectionist that I am...wanted to fix it and kept trying for 12 years...god damn, sometimes you need to just give up and listen to your intuition...I think that's what I took away from this, my intuition is always right. I have tendencies to want to prove it wrong when it tells me something negative, now I'm much better at accepting those "stay away" vibes about people.

Anyway...still kissing a lot of toads to find my prince...I hope he shows up soon (and he might have recently). Could someone tell him to stand up and show his face, so I know who I'm waiting on, lol? It would really make this a lot easier.

Ok so this friend I spoke of earlier also mentioned Jack's Mannequin. I'm hooked...love, love, love it. I just love indie music. So here is one of my faves, Dark Blue.

I need to face the fact that...

I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in love and meant to be and soulmates and the whole crapload of it, and I just need to quit pretending I don't, cuz i know I do. I want to believe there is that one person for everyone that makes it all magical and worth it. Whatever...Anyway, I've been singing along to this song, Wedding Dress, by Matt Nathanson all day long. I love it and wanted to share...doesn't he have a great voice? Ok...i can't keep my eyes open, going to nap for 30 minutes before I get kidlets....someone has been keeping me on the phone late at night and I haven't been sleeping much *giggle*. Met him today and he took me to lunch...sigh...I want more...

Everything....

So in regards to Singles Awareness Day...otherwise known as Valentine's Day...I give you a wonderful love song. So yeah Lifehouse was a christian band, now they are more mainstream. But apparently THIS is their song...the one that everyone loves. It has sort of a double meaning, it can be about the christian god or it can be about a love. When I hear this song it gives me goosebumps and it feels like it's about being in love to me. It's perfect...I love it. I make up stories to songs. This song...I picture the first kiss that leads to everything. Kisses down the neck...whispers in the ear of desire and love...the quivers and chills that go up your spine as that first fire is ignited....sigh....

Stung by a wasp!!

It is kind of hard to type today...I got stung by a wasp in my biology lab today. Can you believe it? We were making giant glucose molecules and when we had finished, we were to raise our hands and the professor came over and made sure we had made it correctly. Well...I raised my hand and suddenly felt this sharp pin prick on my ring finger, then felt legs standing on my finger. Needless to say I didn't look at it, I just flicked it off as fast as possible. Then my finger started to hurt like HELL and turned purple. So I found my teacher and she took me to the lab coordinator who doctored it up with cortizone and sent me off to the nurse...so I got out my lab today. It was boring, but I would have preferred a boring lab over a very hurt and swollen finger. And when I left for the nurse, they still hadn't cornered the wasp in the classroom yet. Eeek!!!

Cursed damn blog!!

So I have come to the conclusion that my blog is cursed. It's out to get me, or it apparently has some kind of secret voodoo doll of me stashed between its pages that it pulls out and jabs with sharp pins. If I talk about something on here, it will go to shit about 2 days later. How screwed up is that? So...I now have to keep secrets from my blog. I can't tell it exciting things or it will royally screw it up. (and totally off topic, but this blog brings out the worst in me...I want to write curse words, lol). So...wink wink nod nod...I don't have any plans for the future. I'm just gonna sit at home for the rest of my days.... :P

Dammit....

Fuck. I don't know what else to say. I'm so annoyed with myself...well I don't know if it's myself I'm mad at or what. Let's just say I did something thinking I was doing something really enjoyable for someone and it hurt them, a lot. It was not my intent at all. I really thought it was a good thing. But they got mad, really mad. I tried to explain myself and apologized profusely, but they wouldn't listen. They forgave me but did not believe me, which I assume means I'm a liar?

They insisted that things are never done on accident, and it's only the end result that someone is sorry about, and that the only reason I did it was to get a good jab into them because I was mad at them for something else.

I feel absolutely awful and sick about it. First of all, I'm not a vindictive person. I don't try to get someone back in a hurtful way, life is too short. I'm too busy trying to apologize for whatever they are mad about. And secondly, I don't like being viewed as a liar. Damn...and I have no idea how to fix this. I'm a fixer...I have to make things better or it eats me up inside, and I don't think I can fix this one....and that is getting to me. I wish something could take my mind off it.

The Most Awesome CrossStich...Evah!!

Have you seen this?? Is this not awesome or what?? It's from Subversive Crossstitch. I want to decorate my entire house in these little gems. If my little crafting addiction would return to my nimble fingers, but alas I'm more interested in getting bite marks/hickeys from adult men...(totally another story that is so freaking embarrassing. Let's just say my mother is convinced, I'm sure by now, that I am indeed a whore).

Holy crap, I came across this wonderful little book perusing the Half Price Book store over by my daughter's dance studio. I giggled like a virginal school girl reading this...I know some of the workers were specifically walking by to see what the hell I was laughing at...one adorable one in particular, lol, cuz I couldn't shut up.

Had I not had a bazillion books in my hand, I so would have bought it along with the Stupid Sock Creatures Kit too, but alas Phillipa Gregory's The Other Queen was in the new fiction section for half price and I could not pass that sucker up as I've been looking for it, for months, lol.

Before I forget...

I have a story to tell...

So this was the first guy I went out on a date with, who actually assumed he was picking me up. I'm not sure what it is...it's like the baggage from past relationships and marriages and kids, etc., seems to infiltrate everything and dating in your 30s is not like in college or early 20s. I think men have been morally screwed up by feminism and have no idea if chivalry is acceptable or not. I was surprised and thought it was a sweet notion since he just assumed it was the way things worked. Let me tell you a secret guys...women love chivalry...and I am sorry if there is a 0.1% of us who don't who have scared all of you into thinking we don't want that, the rest of us definitely enjoy it.

Anyway, so we were going to eat at El Fenix (so yummy...). So we were just seated and we're talking, laughing...I was having a good time. All of a sudden I hear..."Stephanie?" in an all too familiar voice. It was my childhood best friend, her kids and her parents. We are still friends, but we rarely talk. We meet once or twice a year for a get together with our familes as our mothers are good friends, and we catch up and everything, but neither one of us really work at keeping the relationship constant, lol. I think on my part it stems from her dumping me as a friend because I wasn't cool enough back in high school, lol. She wanted to be with the popular people so desperately...I was the kind of girl who didn't give a crap about popular people, so she dumped me for another girl named Stephanie (apparently 1976 was the year of the Stephanie) who had had 2 abortions before she was 14 yrs old. Quality friendship, lol.

Anyway so I know her mother told her I was getting divorced, but the look on her face when she saw I was with another man was priceless, lol. And this was a first date I was on, lol. She walks right up to him and says her name, shakes his hand, and he is a goofball and just starts playing along. The entire family looks completely uncomfortable at this point and then they disappear, lol. He and I laughed about it and then had a lovely evening.

I'm not sure what was more uncomfortable...was it the fact that I was with another man or the fact that I have gone through a complete metamorphosis since she last saw me? I used to play the part of frumpy housewife quite well. I was trapped in a miserable marriage, I wasn't happy, I didn't care because there was no reason to care. I had tried for years and then when I realized he would never want me no matter what I did, I gave up on a lot of things, myself included. Now I have hope, I'm happy, and can be the girl I really am. I'm creating my own life now. I'm girly and feminine and I've grown sophisticated in the way I present myself to the world.

I have finally grown into a woman and I like who I am now...though I'm still calling myself a girl...and don't you dare call me "ma'am," that title is reserved for 65 yr old women in polyester pants and bright red lipstick.

I have a date...tonight

This one feels like it's going to be special...it's a sort of first date...meet for coffee kinda thing. We both have kids so scheduling is rather...hmmm what's the word I'm thinking...complicated? I don't want to put a negative word, cuz we both understand that kids come first and we have to work around...hmm...is convoluted a negative word? I don't know, lol....maybe a bit of a challenge is a good way to put it. Well suffice to say, I'm excited for this one. Usually I'm nervous. But this one feels different, he intrigues me on so many levels I can't wait to see how it turns out.

On another completely different note....my daughter has discovered reading. Finally! I thought she would never love books....but she has discovered a series of books she's inhaling...Diary of a Wimpy Kid? I'm thrilled for her. I wanted her to love books like I do, but I was starting to have my doubts. Now I'm thrilled for her.

So on another note...I have some book reviews...believe or not amongst the dates from hell, I actually read books. So here goes....

This one is The Condition by Jennifer Haigh...I wrote of another of her books called Mrs. Kimble I think. Anyway, this story focuses on the middle child of a family, she has Turner's Syndrome. Turners is a genetic mutation where part of or all of one of a girl's X chromosomes is missing...it leads to a person never going through puberty and if the entire chromosome is deleted, then she could be retarded too. This girl is very smart, not retarded, just part of hers is missing. But it's basically how after her diagnosis as a 12 or 13 yr old, her family life goes to shit, and it's the story of each individual member of the family and what happens. She does fall in love and it's sweet, but the rest of the family just falls apart over her "condition." A very good read...I couldn't put it down, I finished it in a matter of days.

Right Behind You is by Gail Giles and is a teen novel. I was in Barnes and Noble and saw it in the "new teen fiction" and it looked interesting. I read the back cover and opened it up and couldn't put it down. I finished it in 2 days time. It's a rather different subject. At 9 yrs old a little boy sets fire and kills another little boy over a baseball glove. He is not a psychopath, but he wanted to destroy the other little boy's glove and as a child never imagined what would happen. So he is sent away to a mental institution for criminally deranged children and when he's 13, he is released. His family's home was burned to the ground by the community after it happened, so his father has had to change his name and move to another state. So the boy changes his name and they move again and it's the conflict of this inner turmoil from the horrible guilt he feels raging against the life he's trying to lead as a regular teenager. It's a very intriguing story about a child killer who isn't a psychopath.

I just started a new book called Tethered about a woman who is a mortician....I have a stack of books by my beside I need to devour, lol. And I'm trying to find the newest Phillipa Gregory book without paying $25, lol. I'm hoping I come across at Half Price Books soon...no luck so far.