Thursday, February 05, 2009


Fuck. I don't know what else to say. I'm so annoyed with myself...well I don't know if it's myself I'm mad at or what. Let's just say I did something thinking I was doing something really enjoyable for someone and it hurt them, a lot. It was not my intent at all. I really thought it was a good thing. But they got mad, really mad. I tried to explain myself and apologized profusely, but they wouldn't listen. They forgave me but did not believe me, which I assume means I'm a liar?

They insisted that things are never done on accident, and it's only the end result that someone is sorry about, and that the only reason I did it was to get a good jab into them because I was mad at them for something else.

I feel absolutely awful and sick about it. First of all, I'm not a vindictive person. I don't try to get someone back in a hurtful way, life is too short. I'm too busy trying to apologize for whatever they are mad about. And secondly, I don't like being viewed as a liar. Damn...and I have no idea how to fix this. I'm a fixer...I have to make things better or it eats me up inside, and I don't think I can fix this one....and that is getting to me. I wish something could take my mind off it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That's a tough one. I'm sorta fixer too. Interesting how you ended up on extremely opposite sides of this. I'd try and continue to fix it if it were me. Give them a day. And try again.